I am so tired .School is always not that good .The Loving god love me too much everyday and wanted to test me . Test my patience , then torture me to train my perseverance .Sometime how i wishes everything stop .I want to ask god can you stop training me and train others.

The world really look more fun .When people used power to destroy the weak . Sometime the weak also dont know.

In my class , people sometime scared to share what they know as they fear people will surpass them .People also scared to share their grade .There's many reasons but the main thing is to protect themselves from getting HURT .
That is so common.

I always try to create a win & win situation for everyday .But people always want to do in the way which only one can win . themselves ........
And I getting tired of receiving shitt from them .Living as a christian for 6 years plus mold me to because a person who able to receive a large amount of hurt without doing anything .

Dont think too lowly of me people .I am only restrained by the word of god & nevertheless the Holy spirit.The inner ego of me long to destroy those who take me for grated.

Having too much knowledge also not good .Because if you want to harden your heart all the knowledge will hunt you down.Muahahahahah

Having to much EQ can destroy you .The path of thinker is to lead to destruction .That the only path for you .Believe in that and unleash your full potential. And you will received power when you choose to unleash everything you have & you will relieved everyone from the world nature .Is that me or Mark haha ??? But it sound like some movie quotes like that LOL

"Free to hate Free to Love "
Heard of it ? But christian only "Must Love"

I getting sick relating with other & trying to help them overcoming their weakness.Why bother to understand as some people cant be bother about you .Understand human behaviour is easy for me haha what i felt .Just observe lor .

Hopefully these are just ranting & my action dont show the follow up of my word. And that called " Walk the talk ". haha
2:32:00 PM

Yesterday was an interesting day ....Morning did not go for some training class .Afternoon actually dont felt like going service .haha cool right haha

I did not want to come out of my comfort zone too to passed mich money but I did .I dont know where i go to bring him .But the place at alot of interesting art work .


Example . Cool right !! And ck went service .It really encouraged me .

The title is "Confidence in keeping the right priority "

1)Know that the sovereign god is supporting us

2)know that god had entrusted his authority to us

For me , i responded to the first one .haha because i am fearful of the power i have.My sherpherd told me , when power is use is the right way it will impact others greatly .

I agreed with him .But the truth is we are sinner there are time we misuse it .I am sure no leaders can said they nv misuse them .Sometime i am super fearful .

haha but ck encouraged me by coming .And when the church ask who have the word for the church .It is a bullseye. haha i cant remember the content .But you know it is god .

Today when to read a leadership book which i bought a while ago .

I jumped all the way to the topic discouragement .It a process ,first you lose strength , it when you start complaining you are tired .Next is you losing the vision .Which mean you cant see your big picture or goals.Next you lose confidence in reaching it .And lastly you lost security .

I sure got many interesting books.

If you want to grow resources are everywhere .If you bother to go take an extra step and go find or ask others only.

7:41:00 PM

Haiz when i see this comment for by daily grade I very sian .

"Stephen, you were doing pretty good today. But I want to see more of your leadership in your team to bring your team together to concentrate on the problem that you were working on."

Why must leadership be one area of my daily grade dammm ....For most of problem I been leading not tried ah .It so tough to lead everyday .God got nothing better to do .Ppl get good grade by doing their best.I get it my doing my best and leading the team .Dots.

One of my faci in year 1 taught me about manging my performance .Is like your best(100%) / by 16 weeks. As the weeks past you slowly increase, your faci will see you improving and will give you A .

But i felt is super cheat la.Like the first week .you faci will think you are at your 100% .So as the week past ,he see you improve to 105% or 110%.

This is what called performance management .

But by doing so you wont really improved.I sure your grade sure rock one .I felt that When everyday you do your best .Your best will improve .

It so tough to maintain my best performance la. I hate the power you have given me .I really hate it .

I lead not becuase I want to but need to .damm
8:36:00 PM

Just went for U&I camp , it was not fun .But did manage to catch up with people .I only go for Wed and thru .Manage to talk to Jeffy , we talk about when red cross started how many are from "Hope" .Micheal . Emily , Jeff ,jas, ck ,Raymond and me .It already a CG size man.I sometime wonder does Hope Rp hate Red cross .Now it left me and Emily.How interesting ? When talking to Jeff , i am really tearing man . It like flashback when everyone want to make a impact in Red cross to glorify god .And now , it totally different.

I can say we did it in and way on another. The reason is people looked at our action .
I will say a CG can cannot contain new fruits it you cant contain the current fruits .It totally common sense .People may say why am i discouraging people .I will say it is not .

Because that mean you are not faithful with the current fruits .How can god bless you ?
Got a question to ask it the group even read this post = Did the group contact ck or raymond ?
It is a yes .I love that ans .
It a No . What the reason ? It is it because it the shepherd responsibility not your an a cg member . Yours know the ans .If a shepherd is that powerful why people leave because of a group .

I am quite lost haha I know i have to CONTINUE even all my love one had left .But the burden is heavy .Sometime i felt that i am carrying all their hope and dream .Sometime i just bomb all to god .

Am i trapped in the past ? Some people may think that .A little haha the past is to be learnt for it .But sometime it not about me it my group .I wont used "these" group because it is my CG . And i treasure them till sometime i just follow.

And I tell you a secret , I trust my cg more than my shepherd .Why ? because his word sometime "A" action sometime "B" that what I think

My PP is done .God thank for being with me the whole time hehe .I felt that god give me a lot of chance to grow.Everyday you can grow , you just need to observe. haha

Will i be going service tomorrow ? I got three events crashed that include service.Haiz ....
12:09:00 AM