Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wow i felt that there many things in my mind ? My dear bro mich what should i do to help you ? haha sadly i am quite affected by you .Therfore resulted me to be a little lost dots ....Where my shepherd ? haha attended service for two to three weeks le after my bday week ..Still nth was really settle .If i am a new-b , i long gone .Some people felt that i not very stable now .
Hmmm it true to an extent .During my bday week , i was totally disappointed by words that is said to me . I really want to just scream at the person and said "dont act you know me very well" & It not that i do not open to you but you nv even bother to take the first step to want to understand me .
After weeks ,why am i going church ? haha am i left out ? Sometimes unless i take the first step to talk to other . Haha ...I will say ..I really cant imagine how will i react to the sitution i am now .If i received god a year later or so .I dont think i will even surivived.
I make it through my first 10 months in T without a Shepherd .But i think the reason is that i have a bro with me who want to understnad more about god's heartbeat .And spread god perfect and unconditional love to other .Both of us had been supporting one another through these 10 months ....We laugh about our mistakes , rejoys when souls are been save , tears when people reject god and encourage each other when we are weak .
When we have a shepherd , many things changes .I think the one of reason is that in the past is we lead ourselves but now people leading .haha at the start you were close with our shepherd .I was not open at all .
Reasons
1) I open up to people who truely want to know me
2)I need time
3)I dont know my shepherd at all
When i dont open to him , he dont talk to me one .When i open he comment everything like he know me for years .
To me , if i want to judge i will say when people is open to you .It show you have power over that person .On the other dont misuse the power because the power is given by the person .LOL
It being weeks , since he talk to me , haha he has 5 sheeps now , me , mich , nehe , ray & kaien .But he not meeting me , dont talk about meeting it been log since we had a normal conversation .People may say i am jealous my shepherd not meeting me. But the issues is we dont even talk at all .LOL ...Sometime i think to myself , is a sheep that cheap .You want you have dont want throw .It rare in my life , i experienced this, it give me an impression like a shepherd dont want the sheep haha .Normally , the sheep bites the shepherd but now it different .For me , i can understand my shepherd is a human after all .
I heard he is recovering after a bite or what i dont know . But if you dont wan talk or want to change sheep you can let me know .Because i dont want it to hang there.Sometime i really wonder i am your sheep because no choice (because of the system) or you want one .These are just some my mind only .
The reason i am still going to service etc
Because I know I need god .